The Advent Smash Bros 2008!
by nirvana heart
Summary: Christmas is the best time of year. For the Smashers, it means fun, and for Link, it means hibernating. Food fights, debug mode, MarioKart and dinner are just some of the things Link has to endure. But rescuing Mario from the woods is all worth it, right?
1. 24 More Days

**The Advent Smash Brothers 2008!**

The Smashers can't wait till Christmas! But the 24 days that remain will be full of laughter, tears of joy, and overall chaos until the big day arrives! How is Link going to bear it? **Updated every day [if possible] until Christmas. **

* * *

"Oh my _God!_ Shut _up!"_

"DECEMBER! DECEMBER! YAYYY!"

Link was always cranky in the morning. Especially when Yoshi decided to annoy everyone and start screaming. Link groaned, grabbed his pillow and shoved it over his head. Even so, he could still hear Yoshi running about mad. The dinosaur kept knocking on everyone's door, probably shoving some tinsel and a few fairy lights on as he went along. Link let out another groan, and decided that he would just get up.

He ran a hand through his messy blonde hair, and got changed into comfortable everyday clothes. A too-big T-shirt and jeans was fine. He took a glance at the calendar, then looked again in horror.

December 1st!

Everybody's favourite day of the year!

He was doomed! He was dead! It was the first day of December, which meant only 24 days till Christmas. He wouldn't be able to bear 24 _seconds_ with the Smashers when they were in Christmas mode. Link had to admit, though, he loved how cosy and friendly the place looked when it was all shining and full of colourful lights and decorations. Maybe Christmas was his favourite time of the year too.

Wait! What was he _thinking?_ Wasn't it Peach's birthday on Christmas Day? That meant _double_ celebration! That meant _double_ chaos, _double_ loud noise, _double_ throwing things, sticky things, _double_ everything! Along with Wario, he was the only person that disliked all the noise. But then again, Wario hated pretty much everything. Give him a penny and he loved you for life.

Sighing, Link walked out of his room and downstairs. Everyone seemed in a stupidly good mood already - except Mario. The plumber was lying on the sofa, with a bowl of pasta, watching _Pimp My Pizza_ and looking annoyed.

"What are you all so happy about?" Link asked, even though he knew too well what the reply would be.

Popo and Nana looked at each other, then jumped on Link.

"IT'S CHRISTMASSSSS!!!!"

"No it's not!" Mario cried in a thick Italian accent, much to Link's happiness. At least _someone_ was sane around here. "Christmas is in 24 days! So shut up!" He took a slurp of pasta. "But they're right. We need to get everything, y'know? And the advent calendars and stuff..."

"CHOCOLATE!" Roy screamed.

Everyone stared at him in a scary silence. Roy blushed and giggled feebly.

"Anyway," Mario continued.

Link sighed and sat down next to Mario. He took another look at the calendar. 24 more days. Only a few weeks. Soon it would all be over.


	2. Christmas Truth Or Dare

**December 2 - 23 more days to go!**

* * *

There was no way Link was playing 'Christmas Truth Or Dare' with the Smashers. For one, the game involved wearing stupid hats and kissing people you wouldn't breathe near. For Link, that meant Snake, and a list of other people he didn't like that much. Well, to tell the truth, he liked everyone. He just didn't like _kissing_ them.

"Come on, Link!" Luigi begged, pulling Link off his chair and sitting him down to join the Happy Smasher circle. "Right, I'll go first. Roy! Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Triple Dare, Command, Military or Cliffhanger?"

Truth was just that - tell the truth. Dare was self-explanatory. Double Dare consisted of two dares with two people, as Triple Dare was three dares with three people. Command was the worst - you _had_ to do the dare, no questions answered. Military meant everybody had to do the dare and Cliffhanger was when two people were chosen and only one of them could be saved.

"Military," Roy grinned.

Luigi thought to himself. "Alright. I dare everyone, including myself, to...do an impression of the person next to you!"

Link was sitting next to Samus. She turned round to him, and glared. Link gave a sheepish smile. There was no messing with Samus - it was practically a law.

"Say one thing, and you're dead," she hissed. Link nodded and everybody stood up. Mario suddenly did a brilliant impression of Peach. Peach imitated Sonic. Sonic took the mickey out of Pit, and the process carried on and on. The room was filled with jingling Christmas hats and laughter and the occasional slap, courtesy of Sonic being portrayed as a fat sloth who played Halo 2 while eating chips.

"ANGEL BOY!" Sonic screamed. Pit flew up to the ceiling, but Sonic just ran up the wall.

"This is boring," Luigi cried over the noise. "Let's do something else."

"I know, I know!" Peach screeched. "Let's play Karaoke again. Me and Zellie will go first!"

Zelda and Peach suddenly jumped up and began singing _The Promise_ by Girls Aloud. Mario and Link and civilized people cheered and clapped, but Snake and Captain Falcon booed and hissed and begged for the girls to headbang and sing a bit of Metallica. Then they finally stopped the girls from singing _Up_ by The Saturdays and began screaming out _Enter Sandman._

Nobody said anything after they were finished.

"I think we need to jump and get us all going," Mario sighed, running to his keyboard and playing the instantly recognisable tune of _Jump_ by Van Halen. A party suddenly erupted - Luigi picked up drumsticks and got to work, Young Link slammed the bass to the ground like a railroad track, and Link took lead on guitar and singing.

"Have some holiday cheer!" Mario cried after they were finished.

Link faked smiles and yells of delight while looking at the calendar. Only 23 more days. That wasn't long.


	3. Shopping Time, Ladies

**December 3, 2008 - 22 more days to go!**

* * *

Link hated Christmas shopping.

For one, he never knew what to get anyone. Buy Mario a pizza and he loved you forever. Same with Luigi. That was pretty much all he knew. But he was extremely annoyed at everyone dragging him in, then running off in seperate directions to shop till they dropped. Link sighed, and sloped off to the record store. He was in there often, when he wasn't fighting.

"Link!" the owner, Michael, laughed. "Main customer. How've you been?"

"I've been alright. Just annoyed," Link sighed. "I don't really like Christmas much."

"You sure?" an astonished Michael said. He held up a small CD. "Very rare, this one. Van Halen made a new song called _Proper Crimbo_, parody of the Bo Selecta one. Fancy it?"

"No thanks," Link shook his head.

Mario then ran in, throwing a mountain of random CDs and DVDs into his bag, then giving it to Michael and handing him money. Michael stared after Mario as he ran off. The same process happened with everyone, and Link eventually left, deciding not to get murdered on Christmas Day since he didn't want to get anyone anything. After all, why should he buy Kirby a present after hair dye went horribly, horribly wrong?

Then, he had the sneakiest idea known to man.

He would simply buy something they _hated._ And that was easy enough - they were forever complaining! Mario moaned about chocolate. Luigi lamented over computers. Sonic sighed over cold showers. It couldn't have been simpler.

Chuckling to himself, he jingled his heavy pockets and ran to a makeup shop, thankfully not bumping into Peach on the way.


	4. I Am In Hell

**December 4 2008 :: 21 days to go!**

* * *

It was all planned out.

Link had carefully spent his time and money deciding on hated presents for everyone. In fact, he put so much time into it that he was the only person left in the mall by midnight. Mario and Zelda got out of it, since Mario was his best friend and he loved Zelda. _And_ Mario had promised to buy Link a fantastic birthday present. He bought Luigi clothes in his most hated colour, brown. He laughed at his set of awful makeup for Peach. Each Smasher was carefully thought over by Link, and he found it easy to remember all their complaining.

The mall wasn't far from the Smash Mansion. Instead of suffer from Mario's atrocious driving, he decided to walk it. He laid down his shopping bags and put his jacket on, incase it was cold. It was scary how quiet the mall was. Normally, at Christmas time, you couldn't _breathe,_ there was that many people.

He stepped outside and began to walk. It was quite a nice night, he decided. It was clear, stars dotted about the inky sky, and it wasn't too cold. What he would have given to be with Zelda at that moment...

He let his thoughts wander off with Zelda while his legs automatically walked towards the Smash Mansion. He had a goofy smile placed on his face by the time he was only a street away from the Smash Mansion. Even from there, he could see the neon lights and the massive Christmas tree and the loud songs being blasted from Sonic's giant speakers.

His thoughts snapped back to real matters and he rolled his eyes.

Typical of them.

He walked to the front door and pushed it open, dreading the sight. Everyone was partying wildly to music, and it sounded like Fox's entire record collection was being played. He had everything - name an artist from the 50s to the 2000s and he owned it. Tonight's speciality was _Enter Sandman_ by Metallica, and why they had picked such a wild song Link would never know.

He sat down, trying to avoid the chaos, then thought different of it and ran upstairs to his room.

"I am in hell," he muttered. "I am in _hell."_


	5. 20 More Days

**December 5, 2008 :: 20 days to go!**

* * *

Link opened one sleepy eye, and groaned. What had _happened _last night? He remembered a mad party involving Metallica songs, but that was it. He felt horribly sick. He knew that if he opened his mouth, he was start spouting vomit. But he couldn't move, and he didn't want to. It hurt to move even his little finger. But being Link, he had to be strong. He ignored the pain and went to the bathroom. He didn't care what time it was - he was having a bath.

Zelda spotted him in the hallway, waiting outside the bathroom door.

"Enjoy last night?" she asked.

Link's heart began thudding. "I can't remember what happened."

"Don't worry," she laughed. "You didn't do anything stupid. Besides, even if you did, we wouldn't care. And by the way, nobody's in the bathroom."

His heart rate went back to normal. He nodded, then pushed open the door. Link turned both taps full blast to fill it up quicker - he wasted water, but it didn't matter. Master Hand could get it all back anyway. He climbed in when it was near to full and sighed in contentment.

* * *

"_Fox!_ Come _on!"_

"No."

"Pleeeease?"

"Kirby, I _refuse_ to throw a surprise party for Snake. Why should I? He's never done anything for me."

"Because it'll be _funny!"_

"That's your reason for anything. You dragged me to a Slayer concert because you thought it would be funny. You wore Metallica T-shirts at a Westlife show and got tomatoes hurled at you and you thought it was funny. You think _ladders_ are funny."

"Fox, you need to lighten up."

* * *

Snake was not amused. There was no way he was going to show his face on Christmas Day. If they didn't want to annoy him, they would give him presents and leave him well alone. That was pretty much the only way to get Snake to fake a smile. Snake was not a smiler. Or a hugger. Why he lived with them he would never even know.

This time, Snake looked at his calendar. 20 more days. That wasn't long, was it?


	6. Now I'm Really In Hell

**December 6, 2008 :: 19 days to go!**

* * *

Everyone in the Mansion was suddenly obsessed with Kirby's idea of throwing a Christmas party for Snake. The man was a recluse, so he almost deserved it. That was what Kirby said. But what Snake said was something else entirely, and it consisted of many swear words and profanities. He soon ran out of swear words and had to use foreign insults.

Snake punched the wall, growling.

"Knotty pated fools! Stuffed cloak-bag of guts! The vile standing tucks!"

Pikachu stared at him in bemusement.

"The starvelings! The greasy tallow-catches! The stockfish!"

He didn't care what he was saying.

"The horse back breakers! The dried neat tongues! The huge bombards of sack!"

"Snake, what does that--"

"The bolting hutch of beastliness! They are huge hills of flesh! They are swollen parcels of dropsies!"

"Snake, you don't--"

* * *

Link looked up at the ceiling from his book in confusion. Mario was, as always, watching _Pimp My Pizza_ and eating spaghetti.

"What's that thumping?" Link asked.

"Probably Snake doing a bit of reading," Mario shrugged.

* * *

Snake felt really brave now.

"The bull's pizzle!"

Now he just felt suicidal.

"Those Princes of Wales!"

Pikachu didn't bother adding that the last insult only worked on someone who had the biggest ears in the universe.


	7. Smashing's Out Forever

**December 7, 2008 :: 18 days to go!**

**(This one is based off the **_**Summer Holiday**_** episode of The Young Ones.)**

* * *

Link and Mario were sitting outside. It was snowing, and they wanted to make the most of the weather. It was only around 10 in the morning, and yet Sonic had sped off to get a KFC. Knowing Sonic, he probably got a McDonalds and Burger King while he was at it.

"Mario?"

"Don't broadcast the handle, Link. My own safety means nothing, but the innocent must be protected."

Link stared. "Uh...right....eh, Sally?"

Mario looked back at his magazine. "Yes?"

"Pikachu asked me if ants went to discos."

"Link," Mario sighed. "It is proved that ants are highly intelligent, with a well-ordered society. The last thing they'd go to would be discos."

"Then why is that one wearing a silver boob tube then?"

"Simple, Link. You're talking crap."

They didn't speak for a few minutes, Link admiring the snowy landscape. It looked like someone had lain a large white blanket over everything, and Link didn't want to ruin the flawless snow by running around on it, like Luigi and Peach were doing now.

"_Smassshing's out! Forever!"_ Sonic sang, running around the front garden with a burger and bottle of Coke in his hands. "Do whatever you want! We're on holiday! Master Hand said 'cause of the snow, we didn't have to fight!"

"Is that all the excitement?" Mario shrugged.

"That's right, Mario," Sonic smirked. "Master Hand said that if you didn't turn up again next year then he and Crazy Hand will have to seriously reconsider your grant."

"You can tell Master Hand that I've still got the photographs of him and Crazy Hand!"

Nobody said anything, until Sonic finished his burger and Coke and grinned at the figure appearing in the doorway.

"Oh, great, here comes Pit!"

Pit looked solemn and annoyed. "The last exam was awful. I sat in the room and put my Polos on the desk, and my spare pencil and my support gonk, and my chewing gum, and my extra pen, and my extra Polos and my lucky gonk, and my pencil sharpener shaped like a cream cracker, three more gonks with a packet of Polos in each, a lead for my retractable pencil, and my retractable pencil, and a spare lead for my retractable pencil, and chewing gum, and pencils and pens are more gonks, and Master Hand said, 'Stop writing, please'!"

Mario, Sonic and Link looked blank.

"You really must tell us that story again sometime."


	8. Scream

**December 8, 2008 :: 17 more days to go!**

**--**

Link was avoiding the Smashers.

They were in full-on Christmas mode now, despite the fact there was 17 days to go and not everyone had bought the presents. Link had, but they weren't presents in the real sense of the world. Then he remembered - he still had to wrap them. Oh well, anything to kill the time.

Yoshi was busy watching _Scream_ downstairs with nearly everyone, so he had nobody to distract him. Snake was superglued to his computer so he couldn't annoy Link about anything. And most of all, Fox was out, so the house was quiet. Link whistled as he walked out of his room and into the massive storage room - which held seemingly unlimited amounts of everything - and hunted for Christmas wrapping paper. Holding a few large boxes of the stuff, he ran back to his room and got to work.

--

"Where's Link?" Kirby asked, cuddled up to Mario on the sofa. "Isn't _Scream_ his favourite movie?"

"Yeah," Mario shrugged. "He said he was going to water his plant."

"Strange," Kirby sighed. "That such a ruthless and sadistic maniac as Link should care for a begonia."

"And it was dead when he got it!"

"Give him credit. He's watered it every day."

"Only because he can't be bothered to go upstairs to the toilet."

--

Link had only wrapped a few presents and he was already bored. Soothing music was what he needed. He inserted a random CD into his CD player and smiled to himself. Slayer's _Raining Blood_ blasted from the speakers, echoing all over the house. Even with the TV turned right up, nobody downstairs could hear it.

"LINK! TURN IT DOWN!"

Link turned it down the tiniest fraction.

The terrible sounds of Slayer continued to boom all over the house.


	9. Debug Mode

**December 9, 2008 :: 16 days to go!**

**

* * *

**

"Oh wow, there's--"

"Wait a second. What do you think's gonna happen this year?"

"Shut up!"

Young Link had homework to do, and it wasn't getting done. He couldn't concentrate, and it was beginning to annoy him. Young Link could tolerate and endure a _lot, _but this was too much. He sighed and went upstairs to his room with his schoolwork, but the partying and music was still too loud.

Last resort.

Link's room.

He knocked on the door and was given entry. The music seemed to silence, though the occasional bassline could be heard. Link, Mario and Pikachu were sitting in the room, playing _Sonic The Hedgehog 2_ on debug mode, and were laughing quite a lot.

"Hey, dude," Pikachu greeted. "Need quiet? The right place is here. Make yourself at home."

There wasn't really anywhere else to sit. He shoved an empty pizza box in the bin and sat down on Link's bed.

"I'm hungry again," Link moaned.

"We've been living in here for three days," Pikachu explained to Young Link.

"I'm not going down and getting food," Mario announced, folded arms and an annoyed look on his brow. "I went last time."

"_I _went last time! Remember? I had the food fight with Fox?!"

"_I _went last time!"

"I did!"

"No, I did!"


	10. Get Up And Go

**December 10, 2008 :: 15 days to go!**

* * *

Link, Mario, Pikachu, and Young Link had finally escaped from Link's realm of boredom to get food. They were pelted by cake and pizza, celebrating their return. When Mario noticed someone was throwing pasta, he simply opened his mouth to collect his share of food. Link, Pikachu, and Young Link scrambled to get to the dark kitchen. Pikachu opened the fridge and lit up their faces.

"SHOULDN'T WE JUST GRAB WHAT WE CAN?"Pikachu cried, trying to be heard over the sounds of Fox singing _Livin' On A Prayer _very, very loudly and badly.

"GO FOR IT!" Link screamed, and they began shovelling food up their shirts, small things up their sleeves, even attempting to shove meat down Young Link's shorts. With food all over, they scarpered back upstairs, laughing as Link slammed his bedroom door. They began dishing out the food, and Mario soon arrived.

"Bad news," Mario sighed. "Peach and Zelda are going to make us all an early Christmas dinner tomorrow. And..." He put his hands to his mouth as if praying. "You know what that means."

Link, Young Link, and Pikachu all looked at each other in horror and confusion.

"It means what?" Young Link asked.

Mario bit his lip.

"It means a food fight."


	11. Food Fight! Part I

**December 11, 2008 :: 14 days to go!**

**--**

"FOOD FIGHT! FOOD FIGHT! FOOD FIGHT!"

The four annoyed Smashers trudged downstairs glumly to be met by the sound of Roy chanting and Yoshi banging cutlery on the table. They took their places at the table to be met by delicious food - steaming vats of gravy, and a mountain of Yorkshire puddings, sausages, mashed potatoes, peas, carrots, and pretty much every vegetable. Link licked his lips and dug in, just as everyone else was doing.

"Great soup, Zelda!" Roy complimented Zelda, rubbing his tummy.

"This caviar's really great as well," Pikachu grinned, black mush smeared around his mouth.

"Luigi, what did I say before? No _MarioKart _at the table!"

Link, Young Link, Mario and Pikachu ate their food obediently as everyone else talked, ate, drank, and argued. They loved food like that, but with no conversations that interested them, it was boring. Luigi's rant about how it was his right to play video games at the table was quite funny, but nobody could join in. Marth and Roy were arguing about random rubbish, and everyone else was either in their own world or laughing.

Once everything was cleared, it was time for dessert. Link's stomach rumbled just at the thought of a succulent chocolate pudding.

"Dessert time!" Roy cried, standing up with a fistful of peas.

This did not look good.


	12. Food Fight! Part II

**December 12, 2008 :: 13 days to go!**

**

* * *

**

Surprisingly, Roy's food fight lasted for hours. It went on to midnight, which extended to dawn, and finally ended at half eight the next morning. Even more shockingly, there wasn't that much mess in the kitchen. It had all landed on objects such as Link, Mario, Pikachu, and Young Link, who refused to participate and were pelted with cake.

Mario spotted a smear of cream on his sleeve, and wiped it away.

"We could convert this house into Food Fight Mansion," Mario said. "We'd make a fortune, that's for sure. Come in after midnight and you get a free cake!"

"Well, Mario," Link replied. "That's the way this house works."

"And that's the way the cookie crumbles!"

"No, Mario!" Link cried. "Please don't start it again. I'm never having a food fight again."

* * *

Once the house and the inhabitants were spotless, it was time to laugh at Luigi's pathetic attempts at _MarioKart. _He set up the Wii and decided to have a go at the Nintendo 64 version again.

"I'll tell you something, Mario," Luigi said, narrowing his eyes. "I _will_ get past Wario Stadium!"


	13. The Tale Of Mr Jarvis

**December 13, 2008 :: 12 days to go!**

--

The following day, while Link, Pikachu, Mario and Young Link were having supper in the living room, Mario spoke.

"If it's alright with you guys, I'll be going out tomorrow night."

"You mean poaching or something?"

"Pretty much."

"Will it be Jarvis Woods again?"

"It'll always be Jarvis Woods," Mario shrugged. "First, that's where all the game is. And second because I don't like Mr Jarvis one little bit and it's a pleasure to poach his birds."

Mr Jarvis was a brewer of beer and he owned a huge brewery. He was extremely rich and his property stretched for miles. All the land around the Smash Mansion belonged to him, except the Smash Mansion itself. That patch belonged to Master Hand. It was like a little island in the middle of the vast ocean of Mr Jarvis's estate.

Mr Jarvis was a roaring snob and he tried desperately to get in with what he believed were the right people. He gave shooting parties and wore fancy waistcoats. Every day he drove his enormous silver car past the Smash Mansion on his way to the brewery, and sometimes Link would catch a glimpse of the pink inflamed face behind the wheel.

"No, I don't like him at all," Mario sighed. "I haven't forgotten the way he spoke to Young Link last year."

None of the others had forgotten it either. Young Link had been on the pavement playing and eating ice cream, and Mr Jarvis had driven past him very closely, then pulled back.

_"Keep your filthy little hands to yourself, understand?" Mr Jarvis said. "Some vermin around this town has been vandalising my car. If it was you, boy--"_

_"I don't like you speaking to my little brother like that," Link interrupted. "You had no reason to threaten him. He's done nothing wrong."_

_Mr Jarvis's tiny piggy eyes were staring straight ahead._

_"Next time you threaten someone I suggest you pick on a person your own size. Like me, for instance," Mario added. "Now go away, please."_

_The car drove away in a cloud of dust._

Any person with sense could see why it gave Mario great pleasure to poach Mr Jarvis's pheasants.


	14. Leaving By Twilight

**December 14, 2008 :: 11 days to go!**

**--**

The next day was Mario's poaching day again and Link discovered him decarbonizing the cylinders of Mr Scott's Austin Seven. It was a little car, built in the 1930s, and it still ran as smoothly as it ever had. Mr Scott was proud of his car and often gave it to Mario for repair. He released the valve springs and drew out the valves, then unscrewed the cylinder head nuts. Mario began scraping the carbon from the inside of the head.

"I have to be away by six," Mario said. "Then I'll get there by twilight. 'Cause at then, everything becomes veiled and shady. It's not easy for someone to see you. You can always hide in the shadows."

"When will you be back?" Link asked, leaning against the wall.

"Ten. Half ten at the latest. You're sure you don't want to come? You'd love a nice big pheasant. Zelda says if I get a few, she'll keep them and roast them for the real Christmas dinner and make sure Roy doesn't have a food fight."

"I'm sure. You _will_ be alright, though, won't you?"

"Don't worry about me," Mario grinned, getting up and hugging Link. "I did say every man in my dad's village got shot up by keepers. But there are hardly any keepers now. Three at the most, I'm guessing."

At five Link and Mario had an early dinner of sausages and bacon, but Mario hardly ate. Finally, Pikachu ran in the room and was treated to Mario's meal. At five to six, Mario hugged them all in farewell and walked out the front door. Link watched him. He had an old navy sweater on and an even older hat on his head. He turned and waved, and disappeared at a bend in the road.


	15. Baby Austin

**December 15, 2008 :: 10 days to go!**

* * *

Inside Link's room, he stood on a chair and turned his lamp on. He had some studying to do about his fighting techniques, and he decided that now was a good time to do it. He got his books out but found it impossible to keep his mind on his work.

The clock read half seven, the twilight time. Mario would be at the woods now, Link decided. He pictured his best friend walking in the wood, or wriggling through a hedge, trying to stay invisible to the keepers. Link closed his book. It was no good. He undressed to his boxers and climbed into his bed. He left the lamp on, and soon he fell asleep.

When he opened his eyes again, the house was silent. Not the silence he was used to, with occasional sounds. This was _dead_ silence, absolutely nothing whatsoever, The lamp was still burning and the clock on the wall read a new time.

Ten minutes past four.

Link jumped out of bed and ran to Mario's room. His bed was empty.

He had _promised_ to be home by half ten at the latest, and anyone who knew Mario knew that he never, ever broke promises.

That meant he was nearly _twelve_ hours overdue.

A frightful sense of doom came over Link. Something had really happened. Link was certain of it. He looked again at the clock. Mario had left at six, which meant he had been gone for far too long. Link ran back to his room and pulled a sweater over his head. His shoes were also the wrong colour, but they were dirty and that took a lot of the whiteness away. How long did it take to get to the wood?

An hour and a half.

Link could run, but that didn't improve the time. He went downstairs to the garage and got his torch. He stopped dead. He couldn't _run_ it - it was six miles. Link was a brilliant runner but he couldn't run six miles.

Then he had an idea.

Why shouldn't he go in Mr Scott's Austin Seven?


	16. Imprisoning Me

**December 16, 2008 :: 9 days to go!**

**

* * *

**

Link knew how to drive. Mario had let him move the cars around when they came in for repair. He let Link drive them into the garage. And he would get there much quicker if he drove. If Mario was bleeding and wounded, then every minute counted. He had never driven on the road, but Link sussed that he would surely not meet any other cars at this time of night.

He went to the car and got into the driver's seat of the Austin. He turned the ignition key. The engine coughed once and started. Slowly he backed the car out of the garage. The sidelights were so dim Link hardly knew they were on.

Link didn't pretend he wasn't scared. The road seemed awfully narrow in the dark. What speed was he going at? Fifteen miles an hour, the speedometer read. He decided that was quite fast enough. If he did 60mph, it would only take six minutes. At 30mph, it would have taken twelve.

15mph was fast enough.

Jarvis Woods was not on the main road. Link's eyes widened when he saw a beacon of yellow light. In a few seconds, the long white beam of headlamps disappeared past him. He caught a glimpse of its body and knew it was the police. Any policeman in the world would stop if he passed a small boy in a tiny car at half four in the morning.

At the crest of the hill, Link saw Jarvis Woods. Immense trees rose up towards the sky. Link stopped the car, turned off the motor and all the lights. He took the torch with him. The trees closed in above his head like a roof. He couldn't see the smallest hint of sky or a single sky. He couldn't see anything at all.

"Mario!" Link called out. "Mario, are you there?"

His small voice echoed through the forest. Link listened for an answer, but none came.


	17. Going Home

**December 17, 2008 :: 8 days to go!**

**--**

Link did not know what it felt like to be standing alone in pitch darkness of the silent wood. The sense of loneliness overwhelmed him, and the silence...oh, the silence. He couldn't hear anything at all. He held his breath, and it was like everything else in that wood was doing the same with him. Link switched on the torch, and he didn't care about the keepers. The only person Link cared about was Mario. He wanted him back.

"Mario!" he shouted. "Mario, it's Link! Are you there?"

He walked and called out, stopping each time to try and hear an answer, but nothing came. His voice went trembly after a while, and if Link wasn't careful, the sheer darkness ad hopelessness would make him give up and lie under the trees. He stood still after shouting once more, and oh so faint, was the sound of a human voice.

Link froze.

"Mario!"

"I'm here! Over here!"

With Mario's voice to guide him, Link found it easy. The trees were bigger and more spaced apart. Link simply dashed ahead, and stopped dead when his torch shone on a flash of blue. Link saw the pit, which Mario was sitting in. He looked up into the light.

"Hello, my friend," Mario said. "Thank you for coming."

"Are you alright, Mario?"

"My ankle's broken. It happened when I fell in. But Link, _I've got to get out of here by morning. _The keepers know I'm here and they're coming for me when it gets light. They've dug this hole to catch people. The keepers don't know who I am but they're bringing that Mr Jarvis with them. The keepers have gone for the night. What time is it?"

Link shone the torch on Mario's watch.

"Ten to five!" Mario cried. "We must be quick. I have to be out of here before sunrise."

"Mario? I brought the car. I came in the Austin."

"You _what?_ You actually drove here in the Austin? You're crazy, you could have been killed. But Link, there's a rope in the back of the Austin. Mr Scott always has one in there."

Link ran back to the car and ran the way he had came, shining the torch ahead of him. He found the car and got the rope, slinging it over his shoulder. With Mario's voice to guide him, Link had no trouble finding his best friend again. He tied it to the nearest tree and lowered the other half down to the plumber. He grasped it with both hands and hauled himself into a standing position. Link kept the torch on him at all times, and when Mario pulled himself over he breathed loud and fast.

A huge milk-lorry was the only thing they met on the drive home. As they approached Smash Mansion, Mario finally spoke.

"I'll have to go to hospital. It must be set properly then into plaster. They fix a metal thing into the plaster, I'll be able to walk on that."

"Shouldn't we just go now?"

"No. I'll lie on the floor of the living room, and wait till it's time to call Doctor Williams. I don't like waking doctors up at five in the morning. We'll call him at seven. And don't get me anything, Link. I'll be getting an anaesthetic soon, and you're not meant to have anything before that. _You_ have something."

"I'm not hungry," Link said, but boy oh boy, could he have enjoyed a food fight with Roy at that moment. Mario lay on the floor of the living room, with Link rushing to get pillows and blankets. His eyes closed and the plumber appeared to be dozing off. Link lay on the sofa, and the next thing he heard after he closed his eyes was a familiar voice.

"Well, my goodness me, Mario, what on earth have you been up to?"


	18. Doc Williams

**December 18, 2008 :: 7 days to go!**

**--**

Doctor Williams had been looking after the people of Nintendo City for more than 45 years. He was well over seventy now and could have retired, but he didn't want to and nobody else wanted to either. Nobody feared him. He was especially gentle with children and everyone adored him.

"Which ankle?" he asked.

"The left," Mario replied.

Doc Williams knelt on the floor and took a large pair of scissors from his bag. He cut the cloth of Mario's left trouserleg The foot seemed to be bent sideways and a huge swelling below the ankle bone.

"That's nasty, that one," Doc Williams said. "We'd better get you to hospital right away. May I use your phone?"

He called the hospital and asked for an ambulance. Then he spoke to someone else about taking X-rays, operations and other medical things Link didn't know about or particularly want to know about.

"How on earth did it happen, Mario?" Doc Williams asked. "Did you fall down the stairs or something?"

"I was mooching around Jarvis Woods..." Mario let his voice trail off.

"Ah," the doctor said. "I see. What's it like up there these days? Plenty of pheasants? It's a great game. I only wish I was a little bit younger. You didn't know I used to do a bit of poaching myself, did you, Link? Many's a night after evening surgery was over. Sometimes it was pheasants ad sometimes it was trout. Plety of big brown trout in the stream in those times."

"What method did you use for pheasants?" Mario questioned.

"Gin and raisins. Soak the raisins in gin for a week, and scatter them in the woods. It doesn't work, but it was enormous fun. I was hot stuff with trout though. Know how to catch one, without a rod?" Doc Williams laughed. "You tickle them. Trout like to lie close to the river bank. They like being tickled so much they sort of doze off, and you can just grab them. And by the way, Mario. What happened up in those woods? Step in a rabbit hole?"

"Slightly bigger hole than that."

Mario began to explain how he had fallen into the pit.

"Great heavens alive!" Doc Williams cried. "He can't do that! Old Jarvis can't go digging traps in his woods for humans! I've never heard such a disgusting monstrous thing in my life! It's diabolical! You know what this means? It means that decent folk like you and me can't even go out and have a little fun at night without risking a broken leg or arm. I never did like that Jarvis. I saw him do a filthy thing once."

"What?" Mario asked.

"He had an appointment with me at my surgery. He needed an injection of some sort. Just by chance I was looking out of the window when he drove up in that socking great car. I saw him get out and I also saw my old dog Bailey on the doorstep. Instead of stepping over old Bailey, he actually kicked him out the way with his riding boot! So I left him sitting in the waiting room while I found the oldest, bluntest needle I could find. I rubbed it with a nail-file to make it blunter still. I called him in and told him to lower his pants and bend over, and when I rammed that needle into his backside he screamed like a pig."

"Hooray."

"He's never been back since, for which I am truly thankful. Ah, here's the ambulance."

Two men in uniform got out of the ambulance and brought in a leg splint. A wooden plank was eased under Mario's leg and it was strapped firmly to it. The ambulance men brought in a stretcher, and Mario got on it himself.

"Will he be home today?" Link asked.

"I'll be back this evening," Mario said. "Link, you look after everyone. You'll probably just sleep most of the day anyway. Get Luigi to keep everyone sane, okay?"

The marvellous little doctor got into his car and drove away down the road in the same direction as the ambulance.


	19. Food Fight Again

**December 19, 2008 :: 5 days to go!**

**

* * *

**

Link woke up the next day to the sound of ambulance me bringing Mario back from the hospital. Mario had returned the night before, but only for a while. They carried Mario into the living room and laid him on the sofa. He dozed off almost immediately. The minute the men drove away, the house seemed to come to life. Doc Williams opened his car door, but he didn't get in.

"When did you last have something to eat, Link?" he asked sternly.

"Something to eat?" Link asked. "Well, I..."

He hadn't eaten since supper the night Mario went missing. Doc Williams reached into his car and handed Link a huge, round _thing_ wrapped in greaseproof paper.

"My wife asked me to give you this. I think you'll like it. She's a terrific cook."

He jumped into the car and quickly drove away. Link stood there, clasping his parcel tightly. After a while he turned and walked back into the house with his parcel, and placed it on the table. Very carefully, he began to unwrap the paper from the precious present. It was an enormous meat pie, covered in a rich golden pastry. Link took a knife and cut a small slice. The meat was pink and tender with no fat or gristle, and there were hard-boiled eggs buried like treasures.

Mario soon woke up just as Link was finishing his pie with Luigi and Fox's help.

"I feel great," Mario said. "It hardly hurts at all!"

* * *

Life at the Smash Mansion went on as normal, but there appeared to be a change in Mario. He would brood a great deal, and there would often be silences between him and his friends. Now and again Link would catch him gazing up the road in the direction of Jarvis Woods. It was a few hours later when Mario, Link, Pikachu and Young Link sat down outside. It was a warm, still night.

"You know what makes me so mad," Mario began. "I get up in the morning feeling great. Then at around nine I see Snake go down for something to eat. It's the _way_ Snake looks at me that's so annoying. It makes me mad, and I stay mad for the rest of the day."

"Don't blame you," Pikachu shrugged. Pikachu and Snake did not like each other at all and it gave Pikachu great satisfaction to annoy him. "Kirby tried to persuade Fox to throw a surprise party for him, but it didn't happen. Unless they're secretly doing it now."

"Let's ask!" Young Link smiled.

"Tomorrow," Pikachu interrupted. "We'll ask tomorrow - Roy wants a food fight, and I'm hungry!"

"So am I, actually."

"Me too!"

"Me three!"


	20. Oh Boy

**December 20, 2008 :: 5 days to go!**

* * *

"I should've known, I should've seen it. You just can't trust him. As far as Smashers go...he's a really bad one!"

Link nodded out of habit as he followed Sonic into Smash Mansion. Sonic was ranting on about Knuckles, his rival, who had also been a Smasher for a small amount of time. Link loved Sonic's style of fighting but when he was ranting, he was just annoying.

Mario was in the living room, watching Luigi at _MarioKart _as always. He still had and used his original NES. He was smiling to himself, actually getting somewhere in the game for once in a lifetime.

"Hey, Luigi," Link greeted, throwing his keys down onto the table. "Having fun?"

"Y-Yeah!" Luigi struggled to say through his wild grinning.

"Good," Link replied, sitting down. "You know, we should chuck the telly away and just use Luigi for a free primary source of entertainment. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! Watch Luigi play _MarioKart!"_

Luigi finished the race and paused the game. He threw himself down on the sofa, all tired out. Luigi's video game playing often took a physical toll on him - but it was all the exercise he needed.

"No wonder you're so tall," Mario said, turning on the TV.

"I don't like being tall," Luigi replied. But he was looking at Mario instead. "I want to be small like you, Mario."

"It sucks, quite rightfully."

Luigi blinked in astonishment.


	21. Clean Up Your Room

**December 21, 2008 :: 4 days to go!**

* * *

"OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!"

"Shut up, Yoshi! It's not Christmas Eve yet! We've still got 4 days to go!"

There was no silencing Yoshi when he was in Christmas mode. Time was slowing down when it got nearer to Christmas. Luigi was actually not playing _MarioKart _and was instead, listening to his iPod, trying to escape from the sound of Yoshi screaming obscenities about Santa Claus.

"Let's play a game!" Link cried in an effort to distract Yoshi.

"A game?" Yoshi grinned. "Game! I love games!"

"Good!" Link faked happiness. "This game is called, _Clean Up Your Room!_"

"OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!"

Yoshi ran off, thundering upstairs to the great annoyance of the hibernating Snake. Mario chuckled and slapped Link a high five. Luigi pulled his headphones out and gave a sigh of relief. Pikachu grinned.

"Well, that's us safe for a few hours!" Pikachu said, clapping his paws.

"Who fancies a takeaway?"


	22. Soulja Boy Up In Sonic?

**December 22, 2008 :: 3 days to go!**

**

* * *

**

"IT'S CHR--"

"NO, IT IS NOT!! THERE ARE STILL THREE DAYS TO GO!!"

It was early in the morning. Mario, Link, Pikachu and Luigi had fallen asleep after a wild party with takeaways, Truth or Dare, and terrible arguments with Roy. As always, it ended in another massive food fight. Why Peach and Zelda still wanted to live in that house, they'd never know. But whatever the reason, that was a different story, and it was time to get up.

"Urgh..." Link groaned. "What a wild night."

"Damn right!" Pikachu replied, pushing a pizza box off the sofa. "What happened last night?"

"Well..."

* * *

_Lights were going off, loud music was blasting from Sonic's giant speakers. An early Christmas party had never been so much fun. Link and Pikachu danced, Mario and Luigi just argued. Everyone else, except Snake, was partying with them. The Smashers were finally getting along._

_"I don't mind leading the long conga line thing," Snake muttered. "But in a BUNNY OUTFIT?!"_

_"Pleeeease?" Kirby begged. "It'll be fun, Snakey! You need to lighten up!"_

_"I don't lighten up. I do my own thing. And that means NOT leading lines in bunny outfits. You do it, if you're so desperate."_

_"We've all bet on you doing it. You know what Fox is like with bets. Look, there's 'Shake A Leg' by AC/DC playing now! You love that song!"_

_So Snake lead the line in a bunny outfit, raving to AC/DC's 'Shake A Leg' and everyone cheered. They all sang along, until Sonic changed the song to Soulja Boy and started rapping. But that didn't go so well._

* * *

"That happened?" Pikachu questioned. "I don't remember that."

"Well, if it happened or was just a stupid dream, then it was funny!" Link replied. He then sighed in annoyance. "We better clean this all up before Peach and Zelda see it and have a fit."

Unfortunately, Peach and Zelda reappeared at that exact moment on the stairs, looking dishevelled. Their eyes widened, and Peach screamed. Zelda was calm. She always seemed to be, but there was something about her that Link didn't like the look of. Her face was red, as if...she'd been crying.


	23. Undercover Of Night

**December 23, 2008 :: 2 days to go!**

**

* * *

**

Zelda cried in the darkness, pounding on Link's bedroom door, in the hopes of waking him up. She stopped her obnoxious knocking as soon as she heard shuffling and heard a small click. He opened the door groggily, wiping sleep from his eyes.

"Zelda?" Link asked sleepily.

He was standing in front of her wearing only blue boxers, and her cheeks flushed a brilliant red. _Thank the goddesses it's dark,_ she thought. She eyed his six-pack and the rest of his body, and she suddenly forgot why she was outside his room so late at night.

"What's wrong?" he questioned. He found himself being thrown at in a massive hug, and he managed to catch Zelda, pulling her inside his room. He shut the door and turned his lamp on, illuminating the room in a dark shade of orange. She sat on his bed, and he was quick to get beside her. "What happened to you?"

"Fa-Father," she choked back a sob. "He's f-forcing me into an arranged m-marriage...to a completely ev-evil man! He...he h-hurt me!"

Link kissed her head and held her to him protectively, waiting for her to go on.

"Link," she sobbed, taking in his warmth. She was so cold after having the man she was supposed to marry touch her in the horrible, perverted way he did. "It was awful...he...he..." Zelda placed a hand over her mouth, not wanting to tell Link of what she had just been through.

"Hush, hush, baby," Link whispered, stroking her hair slowly, and rocking her as if she were a child being soothed after a bad dream.

"Don't l-let me go..." Zelda sighed sadly, choking back sobs. "Don't make me g-go back to h-him...look what he did."

She lifted her head and exposed her neck. The flesh was raw and red. Then she held up her wrists, having been grabbed so tightly they could have easily been broken. Then she pulled down her nightdress so Link could see the bruises her 'fiance' had inflicted at the top of her chest. She closed her eyes when Link let out a tiny gasp, then wrapped her arms round herself as if it were cold. Link cuddled her tight, and held her wrists tenderly.

He gently pushed her back onto his bed and tucked the covers around her. She looked up at him with curious, adoring eyes. He smiled back down at her.

"Where are you going to sleep?" she found herself asking. Suddenly, her body felt heavy and the warmth overwhelmed her. Her eyes felt - and must have looked it too - like they weighed three kilos each.

"Who cares?" Link shrugged. "I'm going to stay up. Besides, it's late. You go to sleep now."

Zelda was fast asleep long before he'd finished his sentence.


	24. Slowest Day Ever

**December 24, 2008 :: 1 day to go!**

**

* * *

**

Link and Zelda walked downstairs to breakfast the next day, hand in hand. Nobody took much notice, except Mario. He was in the middle of enjoying a croissant when his eyes widened. The pair looked at each other, then nodded, taking their places at the table. Mario bit back into his breakfast, deciding to rant to Link about it later.

"Guess what!" Roy cried, smiling broadly. "It's Christmas Eve!"

"We know!" everyone chorused back in annoyance.

"You've told us a million times," Pikachu sighed.

Roy was drumming his fingers on the table in an annoying fashion. Marth glared at him, and he stopped. But when Marth looked away, he started it up again. This annoying pantomime routine continued for a while, until Young Link banged his fists on the table.

"Christmas Eve is the slowest day of the year!" he wailed.

"I concur," Snake muttered.

"You spoke!" Roy cried in astonishment. Snake rolled his eyes. "Wow! Wonders will never cease! Snake just spoke! Put out some bunting! Organise a street party! Let off some fireworks! Telephone the Queen! Give everyone a week's holiday! The man with no mouth's been talking! Everyone go to the lavatory in amazement!"

"You don't know how you wound, Roy, you really don't," Snake replied. He stood up, and walked out the room in utter silence. Mario burst out laughing.

"Don't listen to him, Roy," Mario said. "They--"

"You know that lot from Metal Gear Solid...well. They're all utter utter utter utter bastards," Pikachu interrupted.

Link stretched. It was going to be a long, hard, boring day.

* * *

Mario sighed. He was lying in his chair while Link lay on the sofa opposite him. Young Link was right - today _was_ incredibly slow. There were only so many times they could watch _Pimp My Pizza_ without getting bored. They pretty much knew every line from every show off by heart, and nothing interesting was coming on TV.

_She says we've gotta hold on,_

_To what we've got!_

_It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not._

_We got each other,_

_And that's a lot,_

_For love._

_We'll give it a shot!_

"Do you hear Bon Jovi?" Mario asked.

Link shrugged.

"It'll be Fox going through his record collection again."

* * *

Hours later, Link and Mario had had enough. They had been forced to listen to literally endless Bon Jovi songs, and Mario could stand the words "Living On A Prayer" no longer. He got up, and walked to the staircase.

"FOX MCCLOUD! IF YOU PLAY ONE MORE BON JOVI SONG, I'LL....WELL, IT WON'T BE PRETTY! I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SING ABOUT!"

* * *

Finally, it was near the end of the night. Link was sitting in his room, playing _Sonic The Hedgehog 2. _It was wild, cold and wet outside. He was thankful his room was warm and snug and cosy. His little lamp was lit, giving the room a lovely orange glow. Also, what night was complete, without chocolate by your side to keep you going? He forced one hand away from the controller to take a bite of succulent chocolate. He smiled to himself.

The clock read 23.45. In fifteen minutes, it would be Peach's birthday, and Christmas Day. Two things to celebrate. He was actually looking forward to it now. On December 1st, he wished the day would come to get it over with, and he also dreaded its arrival. But in the course of one month, it felt like he had grown up.

He had even returned all the 'presents' he'd bought and with the money, spent four hours looking for something the Smashers would love. He had even bought Snake a present. And he had spent ages looking for something to give to Zelda. He had finally settled for a golden necklace with a shining blue sapphire, even though it cost nearly half his money.

But it felt good to do good.

Link had a feeling this Christmas was going to be a lot more fun than the past 19 Christmas Days he'd had in his life.


	25. THA BIG DAY!

**December 25, 2008 :: It's the big day!**

**

* * *

**

Link stretched and smiled. He was waking up to a silent house, which was strange, but pleasant. It was better than waking up to either one of Roy's food fights or someone screaming about something random.

He got up, and changed into a big green T-shirt and jeans. He tugged a brush through his hair, and then dug under his bed to get everyone's Christmas presents. Link went downstairs and nearly dropped his load.

Under the huge Christmas tree, lay a ton of presents. He dropped his haul underneath it, and spread them around so it wouldn't be too obvious. He spotted a large square parcel with his name on it, and had an urge to open it. But he resisted the childish urge and sat on the sofa. Nothing was ever good on TV on Christmas Day, so he just relaxed.

Mario and the gang soon appeared, and it was time to open the presents. Everyone seemed to come to life, ripping at the paper and yelling with delight at their gifts. Zelda seemed happy enough that Link had bought her all ten seasons of _Friends,_ and she thanked him with a massive hug and a kiss on the lips which earned many wolf whistles.

"Let's have a Christmas breakfast!" Roy cried.

"You can't _get_ Christmas breakfasts!" Pikachu protested. "It's Christmas _dinner,_ Roy."

Roy looked crestfallen, but then a wacky grin soon appeared on his face as he got a predictable idea.

"Yes, you can," Roy slyly smiled. "And it'll be a very fun food fight…"

* * *

After breakfast, Link and Mario cleaned up food which had landed in the living room. Mario swept the custard-encrusted sofa to cleanliness and Link dusted the mantelpieces and other ornaments. Soon, the room was spotless.

"So, Roy won the Put The Sellotape On The Fridge game," Link began. "And I won the See How Much Custard You Can Hold In Your Underpants tournament. So that makes it…ooh, one-all, between Roy and me!"

Mario looked sad.

"Why don't you go out, Mario?" Link grinned. "Shopping spree. You might even get a free pizza!"

"Nah," Mario shrugged. "Besides, even if I did get anything, my pants are full of custard."

"I suppose so…" Link replied. He heard loud voices coming from the kitchen. "Come on, let's go up to my room and watch some of them movies I got!"

* * *

Link and Mario didn't get the chance to watch movies - Roy and Kirby were playing the Jump game. The Jump game had been invented by the pair and involved one simple motive - jump out a window.

Unfortunately, they were playing in Roy's room, which was on the third floor. Link and Mario sighed, knowing there was no way they could get out of this one. Link opened the door. The window was open and Roy was nowhere to be seen. Kirby was leaning out the window.

"Roy! I don't think that one went so well!" Kirby yelled down. "Come back up, it's my turn now! Link and Mario want to play too!"

The plumber and the warrior looked at each other, and sighed. Roy appeared in the room, his clothes torn and leaves in his hair, but he appeared to be fine.

"Kirby, your go," Roy said.

Kirby turned to the window, jumped out, and puffed up. Kirby always won at the Jump game, and for five months nobody had beat him. Mario tried to use anti-gravity fireballs to help him stay up but it was no use. Link's spinning sword attack only propelled him a short distance for about two seconds before he fell to the ground.

* * *

"Let's do something else!" Link cried a while later, noticing it was near noon. "You know, look at the time. It's nearly lunch."

The four thundered downstairs to be hit by the smell of vegetables cooking. Roy slapped the banister. He hated vegetables more than anything. They ran to the kitchen, where Peach and Zelda were making lunch for everyone.

"What's cooking?" Mario questioned.

"Sprouts," Peach replied, not turning round.

"Aw! Not sprouts!" Roy cried suddenly. "I _hate_ sprouts…"

"Oh, will you stop whingeing, Roy, _nobody_ likes sprouts!" Peach retorted, whirling round to face him.

"Then why are we having them then?!"

"BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS!!" the two princesses shouted simultaneously. Zelda went back to lunch, and Peach stood in front of the four.

"Now, look. We've got guests coming round, so I better get on with this turkey and sprouts. Don't want them all crunchy. I'll also get on with the brandy butter."

Peach narrowed her eyes as she held the empty brandy bottle. "Where's the brandy?"

Roy hiccupped.

"I don't believe it!" she growled. "You're absolutely no help. You've done absolutely nothing towards this year's goodwill. You haven't even bought a tree for the table!"

"I have so!" Roy cried. "Shield your eyes, and I shall bring her in."

Link, Kirby, Mario and Peach covered their eyes, even though three of them weren't even looking at Roy or particularly interested in his 'tree'. Peach folded her arms but kept her eyes closed. Link and Mario looked at each other sympathetically. Kirby didn't seem bothered at all, even though he despised sprouts.

Roy was singing a fanfare as he carried his tree in. The four opened their eyes and looked surprised, but their expressions faded.

"Roy. That is not a Christmas tree. It's a geranium," Mario sighed.

"Well, it cost me £16, whatever it is. So that's £8 you owe me."

"£8? That's practically 50p a needle!" Mario cried, getting his wallet out. He slapped coins into Roy's hand and glared at him. "Did you get the four quid off the guests for the meal?"

"Yup."

"Great. Where is it?"

"I spent it on the brandy."

WHACK!

* * *

While Doctor Mario was busy tending to Roy's whack to the forehead, lunch was served. Everyone rushed to take their places. The princesses looked at Pichu, beaming.

"Would you like to say grace?" Peach asked.

Pichu nodded. Everyone bowed their heads and clasped their hands. Pichu cleared his throat.

"My name is Pichu Smash and your face turns to mash, when I give you my rap you can tell yourself 'SNAP!', I bought the Book Of Boosh and called it a douche, though I really like Boosh so it's not a douche, and you can finish my rap by wearing my cap, it's got my name on it, and you can fill yourself with shi--"

Pichu was interrupted by Fox sniggering to himself. Pikachu looked annoyed, but quickly saw the funny side, as did everyone except the smile-proof Snake, and the extremely vexed Peach.

"Fox, did you teach Pichu to rap instead of say grace?" she fumed.

Fox didn't say anything but his snorting gave it away. Peach stood up and walked over to the pilot, who looked nervous.

THUMP!

* * *

"So that's two injured," Link said when lunch was finished. "Who's next?"

Mario shrugged. "We'll find out at dinner."

They went back to watching _Friends, _thanks to Zelda putting the eighth series on and forcing the boys to watch it. They too were transfixed by the adventures of Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey.

"Do you think they ever ran out of storylines?" Link asked.

"That's why they stopped making it!" Mario laughed.

"They could've done something like Ross's transsexual fourth cousin three times removed dating Rachel, and Chandler's sister-in-law getting heavy over it or something."

Mario looked at Link.

"That's actually not a bad idea."

* * *

Dinner was served. It was the same as lunch, really, though they didn't risk saying grace, though they did take Roy to the table. He had too much of a headache to enjoy a food fight, so it was the first meal in five months that did not end in a food fight.

"Dessert, anyone?" Zelda smiled, placing a large chocolate cake in the centre of the table. Everyone gasped in delight.

"Wow, Zelda!"

"Did you make that?"

"I _love _chocolate!"

"I love cake!"

"I hate all of you."

Zelda cut everyone a slice, except Kirby, who ate two slices and eventually what was left of it. Everybody was soon excused and they were left either to get their dinner down, eat more, or go and do their evening routine. For Link, Mario, Kirby, Luigi and Pikachu, that meant throwing a party.

* * *

Everyone was trying to guess which _Friends_ character Kirby was impersonating, though nobody seemed to get it. Luigi raised his hand.

"Ooh, I know! Kirby, are you pregnant?"

"No, sweetie, but I think Snake is."

"Oh. He's not being Rachel then."

"He might as well have German subtitles."

"Alright! Here's another clue! I'm dangerously thin!" Kirby wheezed, pushing his body in to try and look thin.

"Yeah, like _that _narrows it down!" Mario laughed.

"Ooh! He's being Monica!"

"_THANK YOU!"_

* * *

More games were played, and Christmas was spent in a fun and Smash-like way. Snake was glued to his computer but Kirby had decorated it with tinsel. Link and Zelda were sitting on the roof, cooling down while the party raged on downstairs.

Mario had a fireworks display down in the garden, and Link and Zelda had the best view. They looked at each other, and edged closer.

Link tilted Zelda's chin up with his fingers, and kissed her gently on the lips. They looked at each other, and Link laid his arm round his princess.

"Merry Christmas, Zelda."


End file.
